Summer’s End

Sometimes summer seems like a sandwich between the bread slices of Memorial and Labor days; between last day of school and first day of school; between peonies and mums.  It’s the liminal space of spontaneous play set amid long scheduled work periods.  It’s a time for rest, but also a time of extra season-dependent work: tilling, planting, harvesting, mowing, painting, repairing.  It’s time for vacation.  A time to “vacate”… evacuate.  And a time to host those evacuating towards you—a time for hospitality.  It’s graduations, family reunions, anniversaries and weddings.

We participated in all the above this summer.  It began with our daughter Julianne’s graduation from her PhD program.  Then had a long visit to see our daughter Sarah, and son-in-law, my sister, niece, and her husband in Oregon.  We had spontaneous play with grandkids and family around a new backyard swimming pool and old trampoline.  We traveled for a family reunion cojoined with my mother’s 90^th birthday celebration. We went to a rodeo and had some restful, lazy weeks at the beach.  We had multiple occasions of guests stopping by for brief visits as they passed through the Wilmore area.  We had a semblance of a garden…. ragged at the edges, but with some produce.  I power-washed, painted a little, re-did my chicken run, and installed a solar door on the coop. We enjoyed early morning foggy sunrises, late evening colorful sunsets and wild, windy thunderstorms in between.  We had campfires with s’mores and a bit of tent camping.  We held a Grandma and Papa Summer Bible Camp with our two grandchildren, Hazel and Jude, and had a little funeral ceremony and burial for their pet bird. I had glorious days of mowing the paths through the emerging flowering woods and fields—from spring’s Trillium and Larkspur to summer’s Yarrow to Queen Anne’s Lace to Purple Coneflowers and Black-Eyed Susans to Partridge Peas and Ironweed.  I now await the Goldenrod then Frost Flowers of the next seasons.

We also celebrated our 48^th wedding anniversary this summer.  It’s easy to let the unstructured doings of the season take away a time to soak in…to consider…to remember and learn and reflect.  On our anniversary I sat down to journal.  Marriage is also a passing of seasons:  the Spring of dating and wedding; the Summer of setting up home and career, and for some, parenting little ones; the Fall of empty nesting and reworking a new rhythm; and, if we are fortunate enough to both reach it together, the winter of deep, quiet love and friendship, and helping one another through to the end.  Today, going through my journal to remember what this season held before I pass on to the next season, I came across what I wrote.  Below I share it with you.

 

To My 18-year-old Self[i] and to Anybody Else Who Might Listen

Love your spouse well—second only to loving God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. Your spouse will be your closest “neighbor”.

Work to respect, honor, and cherish your spouse above all other human beings or beasts.

Love your spouse more than your things, more than your work more than your friends.  Love as you love your own self.

Bring your best self, your most patient and gracious self, your most creative and giving self, your “A Game”, to the home, to your marriage, to your spouse.

Listen to your spouse always and let them listen to your deep heart.  Look one another in the eyes.  Put your phone, book, computer, remote down.  Let it soak in and let it change your ways and your being.

Identify 10 or more things that delight your spouse and do at least one of these daily.  Let your reward be to see their delight.

Success begins at home—not at the office, not among other friends, not in your possessions or fame.

Bring joy and foster fun with your spouse.

Say “I’m sorry” freely, ask for forgiveness, then change your ways.

Forgive quickly and completely.

Be trustworthy.  Don’t lie or deceive.  Be careful with your words.  Do what you say you will do, no reminders needed. Take responsibility.

If, or more likely, when there is difficulty in your marriage, be humble enough, pro-active enough, to get outside counsel, help.  Hurry to it.  Don’t put it off.

Remember your wedding vows.

“Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.” Prov. 11-14 KJV

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:36-40 NIV

“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” John 15:13

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.  This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself and the wife must respect her husband.” Eph.5:31-33 NIV

“I am my beloved’s and his desire is for me.” Song of Solomon 7:10

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:

A time to be born and a time to die,

A time to kill and a time to heal,

A time to tear down and a time to build,

A time to weep and a time to laugh,

A time to mourn and a time to dance,

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

A time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

A time to search and a time to give up,

A time to keep and a time to throw away,

A time to tear and a time to mend,

A time to be silent and a time to speak,

A time to love and a time to hate,

A time for war and a time for peace.”

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 NIV

 

Now comes a time to live up to my own advice….

Hoping all your transitions into the coming season will be graceful!

Loretta

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[i] Yes, I was 18 when I married but had already been to 2 full years of college away from home.  Hule was a month away from 23.