A Communal Gasp of Awe

Photo Credit: Rick Fienberg

I traveled to our Southern Illinois family farm to observe the April 8, 2024, eclipse.  In 2017, I saw 1 minute 28 seconds of totality on this same Illinois farm, but I didn’t know at the time that I could look at totality without my eclipse glasses—so in 2017 I only saw what most of the others outside of totality saw, other than the heightened darkness that came to the environment around me during totality and a complete disappearance of the sun through the dark protective film of my glasses.

This year I discovered that the real show, for me, is both watching totality without eclipse glasses—a true wonder in itself—and just as delightful, watching others, hearing others, simultaneously experiencing this heavenly splendor right next to me.

 I watched my 5 year old grandson, Julian, dancing around in celebratory circles, pausing occasionally to put on his special glasses to announce the phases of the disappearing sun: “I can see the moon.”  ” It’s just a fingernail!”  “It’s a sliver!” “The bees are going back to their beehive.”   And during totality, “I can see two stars.”   “I actually can see a red “o” on the moon,” he declared when a solar prominence, a burst of plasma, became visible from the bottom of the sun’s corona.

My son-in-law observed, “You can feel it getting dark.  Oh gosh, it’s happening.”  Then seconds later he exclaimed, “Oh, there it is!  There it is, you can see it! Oh, my gosh!” with a similar enthusiasm and excitement as he had when I stood next to him nearly 8 years earlier at the birth of his first child.

My daughter, currently working on her Ph.D. in astronomy and physics, watched in her quiet—the same quiet I saw when she herself was born—a silent, peaceful, pensive observation.  Afterwards she imagined the experience of traveling along the path of totality to observe it longer.

My husband, Hule, was instructing the grands when to use their glasses and when they could take them off.  He responded to the cooling atmosphere by putting on a sweatshirt and commented on the stars and birds.  He tried to help Julian and Hazel appreciate the beauty of the occasion and know its significance.

My 87-year-old mother was observing totality for the first time.  She reminisced about how in grade school they had made a pinhole projector to observe an eclipse.  She commented on the streetlight coming on.   And when totality came, she said: “I can’t see it in my glasses…I’m not going to be able to see anything. I’m afraid to take my glasses off.” Then, “Oh.  Oh my gosh!  It’s spectacular!  Are you sure it’s ok? Oh…That’s the brightest diamond I’ve ever seen.”  “It is fabulous.”  “Oh, I wish we could get a picture of that, it’s so beautiful.”

Photo Credit: Rick Fienberg

My always animated granddaughter Hazel was the most memorable for me to observe.  Just before totality she said, “It’s so dark! It’s literally the smallest sliver!”  “Woe!”  “Something is happening to the ground!  I see the stars.  It’s happening, and it’s so dark!” And once totality arrived, she declared, “It’s amazing.  It’s making me feel so weird.  I feel cold, but I know I’m not. Why is it sunset on all sides? That is amazing, I’ve never seen anything like that!”  And about 2 minutes in, Hazel requested, “Everyone be quiet, I want to see if I can listen.”

(…And a little child shall lead them…)  …

Hazel in awe

Then, the light came rushing back with a streak.

We were all changed in 4 minutes and 7.5 seconds.

Hazel’s amazement and celebration continued. “Wow, I’ve never seen that…” breathing deeply, nearly panting.  (“Except in a book,” Jude added.)  Hazel bent at the knees then stood straight up, head to the heavens, eyes closed, and she laughed and laughed.  Papa Hule came over and stroked her head.  She squealed in delight.  “I’m sooo happy!” Twirling around and around she repeated, “That’s the first time I’ve ever seen totality in my life, and I’m 7!” 

The way I remember what people said and how they looked, is that I had 4 cameras going.  One iPhone was on a tripod with a solar filter, watching the sun, but “listening in” on conversations.  Another, iPhone was propped up across the way, observing the observers. I held one iPad on my lap with a solar lens attached and had another “naked” iPhone in my hand.  I could not otherwise have taken it all in and remembered it as accurately. 

For me the eclipse was impressionistic, poetic:

Diminution of the sun—one bite at a time.

Twilight twice in one half hour period,

And the sudden darkness,

Expected, but only known when experienced.

Then,

A Communal gasp of Awe.

A narrow Ring of bright cool light dancing around a perfect dark disc.

The large bright creation that keeps us alive and feeling “safe” on earth is covered up by our nightlight.

Our heat and light,

Our stove and lamp,

Is overshadowed by

Our nighttime companion,.

It becomes one with its companion.

There is a union of them with one another,

And them with us.

 

Creatures around us are bewildered and we think of our early ancestors who were taken aback, astonished, surprised, when dark descended during full day and when “Brother Sun and Sister Moon” fused. 

Light is foundational to our existence.  We are drawn to the light of the stars.  We bask in sunshine, observe sunsets and sunrises.  These mark our days.  Despite years of discoveries, so many mysteries remain concerning light.

Jesus called Himself the Light of the world.  He instructed us not to allow our light to be hidden.  He tells us to let our light shine.

Photo I took during 2024 eclipse

God has hidden shadows, metaphors, similes, everywhere, since the beginning of time.  What is the meaning here?

With light comes dark. When Light departs, dark descends. Darkness covered the earth during the day when Christ died: from noon until 3 o’clock. 

My daughter, Julianne, an astrophysicist, must include “dark matter” in her mathematical equations to simulate theoretical galaxy formations.

God, is there a meaning here in this eclipse?  You drew an X over the U.S. with the last two eclipses observable to us.  Our Illinois farm was in the center of the X.  But, like contrails above, You are forever drawing signs in the sky.  To focus on this one, these two, is it egocentric? It is so special to us because we in the U.S. get to see it—it has come to us. Thank you!

Photo I took while retreating at Abbey of Gethsemani in KY

St. Augustine said of God’s ways: “We are speaking of God; what marvel, if you do not understand? For if you understand, it is not God.”

“Total solar eclipses typically happen every one to three years somewhere around the globe, but the events are often only visible from Earth’s poles or from the middle of the ocean.” (CBSNews.com)

So, maybe it is a reminder that we are not in charge of light and not in control of moon and sun.  Maybe it is a way to remember our sameness and lay aside our differences while we gaze at the wonder of it all.

And though the sun and moon are important, light was brought forth on the first day, before the sun, moon and stars appeared on the fourth. (Gen. 1:14-18) These latter lights were said to bring time—day and night, and for signs and seasons.  One to govern the night and one the day, and to separate light from darkness. 

But as glorious as it is to observe the lights above, it seems that they are not necessary to eternity.  In the mystery of the Word we get a glimpse of something even brighter and more spectacular—worthy of our Communal Gasp of Awe:

“Then I saw ‘a new heaven and a new earth,’ for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away…The city does not need the sun or the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and the Lamb is its lamp.  The nations will walk by its light, and the kings of the earth will bring their splendor into it.  On no day will its gates ever be shut, for there will be no night there.”   Revelation 21: 1, 23-25, NIV

There is nothing that can eclipse His Light!

Stay at Home Orders

img_3791

I slept late this morning.  Night before last I barely slept.  During this time of Covid-19 and “Stay at Home” orders all structure has been thrown out the window.

Actually what I have now is what I long for often–long periods of time alone to read and pray and journal…and drink coffee; less biddings to go and do, less social necessities, a monk-like/nun-like existence: Ora et Labora, Ora et Labora.  That is it mostly.

My evangelical Christian worldview brings guilt that I need to be out there spreading the word, helping people.  Indeed that is what Jesus and the disciples did.  They didn’t hole up and stay in caves praying–quarantining.  They didn’t even stay in one place like the desert mothers and fathers, or in a monastery or Christian commune, and let others come to them (except maybe some like John who was exiled to Patmos and Paul in prison).

But I am not Jesus nor His first century disciple.  The early church had a mix of calls for each person according to their gifts–according to what “body part” they were, according to their unique vocation.  And this pandemic time is a unique, likely, temporal time too.

My very good friend, Jan Kaneft, is the Archdeacon at Church of the Apostles in Columbia, SC.  She wrote a devotional during this time that really spoke to me.  I include it below:

SCRIPTURE: The LORD your God is in your midst, a Mighty One who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; He will exult over you with loud singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)
THOUGHT: Last week we ZOOMED with dear friends in North Carolina. Almost immediately, the conversation centered upon our grandchildren, a common occurrence with grandparents. Bill, our friend, laughingly described his new garden apprentice-his three-year-old grandson.
He loves to help me feed the birds. We end up with more seeds on the ground than in the feeder. It’s always messy. It would be easier and much quicker to do it myself, but I just love being with him.
He went on to say, Time spent with my grandson reminds me of what our relationship with Jesus is all about-He doesn’t need us; He wants us.
The prophet, Zephaniah, proclaims a similar message to the Israelites in Judah. God, the covenant keeper, initiates with His people a call back to relationship. He is faithful even when His children are making messes of their lives. He blesses with His presence because He delights in His people. Pure and simple, He just loves being with us.
Locked in the constraints of COVID-19, much of our activity has been curtailed. Has this restraint unveiled a fear inside that busyness has kept buried: does God really love me? Many of us believe that we are required to achieve something to prove to God and to the world that we are worth loving. In other words, what we do engages His love. The doing can become a lifeline to our significance, affirmation, security, acceptance—our value. It is difficult for us to believe that He just wants us. If this is your struggle, let the words of Zephaniah remind and encourage you today: God rejoices over you with gladness. God quiets you with His love. God exults over you with loud singing. Friends, He doesn’t need us; He wants us.

First, this includes one of my favorite Scriptures–Zechariah 3:17. This reminds me–We are/I am not socially distanced from God!  He’s in my midst.  He’s here.

And, as Jan reminded me, He loves me more than I love my grandchildren, Hazel and Julian, from whom we’ve been “socially distancing”.  And He wants to be with me more than Hule and I long to be with Hazel and Julian.  Wow!  That’s a lot.  Being around them, distancing 6 feet away and outside, and not getting to hold them was excruciating.  So I’m asking myself:

Do I distance myself from You, God?

Not going all the way to embrace You and sit on Your lap and be quieted by Your love?

Receive Your cheek kisses?

Hear Your ho-ho-ho; Your songs and shouts of joy and gladness over me?

I watched yesterday as Hule previewed a new video just sent of the grandkids.  Hule’s face was priceless–rejoicing over, smiling deep, deep face furrows of joy watching their every move.

God, if You indeed, rejoice over us–over me–in that way, it is an amazing privilege.  I want to acknowledge and soak it in.  I want to live seated in Your lap, in Your embrace, surrounded and covered with Your love and never let the wetness of Your kisses on my cheek evaporate.

Once again I’m reminded of another of my life Scriptures: Romans 8:38 & 39.

What can separate me from the love of God in Christ Jesus?

Not coronavirus

Not social distancing

Not job insecurity

Not economic catastrophe

Not sickness or even death

Nothing

This incomprehensible, unbelievable, ever-present love of God is the eternal foundation of life!

Contemplating Lent

Contemplating Lent

img_3106

Something about the liturgical seasons bring me into contemplation and make my pen long for paper.  In this Garden season of planting seeds, tending, waiting, watching and expecting, Lent, literally meaning Spring, I focus my attention on the church calendar’s observation of Lent–a season of a 40-day focus on Jesus’ coming, suffering, and dying for us.  During this time I have chosen to fast from certain foods (including sugar), from excessive screen time (tv, phone surfing, etc.), and from a life of distraction and distance from God.

Two days ago I was questioning the relevance of fasting from foods during Lent, likely with the intention of a justification for modifying my commitment.  “Shrove Tuesday” (another name for Mardi Gras) is intended to precede our Lenten fasts.  It’s a time to clear out our pantries of sugar and sweets and the things we’re likely to be fasting from beginning Ash Wednesday–the first day of Lent.  Apparently, I did not adequately ‘shrive’ my pantry and I found myself drooling over the pecan sticky bun on my counter on this, my first day of fasting from sugar.  Yikes!  And, so, seriously, unlike myself, I “woke up” after a pounce upon the prey, and a quick devour, with dripped pecan pieces on my sweater and a cat-that-just-ate-the-canary expression when my husband walked through the door a little while later.  Yes, I confessed…after a few hours…and started the fast again.

How does this relate to Lent?

Humankind’s journey toward this Lenten season began with a Garden of planting seeds, tending, waiting, watching, and expecting and with eating something that was not good for us.  Genesis relates that Adam and Eve were invited to eat every tree in Eden except one–the tree of the Knowledge Of Good And Evil–I call it the KOGAE tree.  But when Eve saw the fruit from this one tree that was to be avoided, fasted from, she pounced on and devoured it and then suggested Adam do the same.  They both had metaphorical pecan drippings all over their ‘sweaters’ when God walked up, and their cat-that-ate-the-canary expression started it all.

In this season of life, I have a new lens for contemplating everything.  Four days a week I have the privilege of helping to watch my two precious grandchildren–ages 1 1/2 and 3 1/2.  Now, my grandkids love sugar and sweets about as much as their Grandma does (please, no judgement!), and it’s hard not to pull out the goods just to be in the bask of the delight in their eyes and the baited breath of expectation when I offer them some.  But, discipline says, reason says, health says, this cannot be all that I eat, nor all that they eat.

img_3110

And so, the other day, when I found my little grandchild with her hand literally in the sugar jar, crystals all over her cheeks, and a cat-that-ate-the-canary look on her face–it helped me connect more dots, and take these 40 days of Lent to pray:

Thank you, kind Father,
Gardener, Provider, and Caregiver,
all-knowing Creator,
for making a way, through Jesus’ life, suffering and death,
His own 40-day fast from food,
to erase the pecan drippings off my sweater,
the white crystals off my granddaughter’s cheeks,
and the “KOGAE” crumbs from Adam and Eve,
and from all of humankind.
Amen