Shorty’s Chair

“Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children’s children.” Deuteronomy 4:9 ESV

It will soon be Thanksgiving and many of us will gather in homes across the country, making way for hospitality, for extras to feast with us, telling stories of the past, reminiscing, taking time to thank the Lord for family, food, and all life’s blessings past, present and future. To celebrate, we use all available chairs around our dining tables—even the less comfortable ones. I have a story about one such chair at our house.

There are a few things that tether our Jessamine County Kentucky farm with my Plasters family’s farm lying 278 miles westward near Cave Township in Franklin County, Illinois. One fact I just discovered as I researched this writing is that both farms are in the 37th Parallel North, which is referred to by some as “The Paranormal Highway.”

But the connector that prompted this telling is one that has traversed the path eastward from Illinois to Kentucky. We call it “Shorty’s Chair.” It is a plain small ladderback wooden chair with a woven seat. There is a mysterious dip in the top slat of the chair. Dad told me it is where his uncle Shorty would sit in the chair backwards, one leg on each side straddling the seat, in front of the potbellied wood stove in the old Illinois farmhouse, as Shorty’s chin (or mouth?) created that hollow top of the chair. (I have sat on it to test the theory, and it is possible.)

 

Shorty’s old chair in the Illinois farmhouse

Shorty was a lifelong bachelor and World War 1 veteran. His real name was Elmus Plasters and he cared for his mother, Malissia, my great grandmother, until her death in 1963.

Shorty’s military marker

Her tombstone says she was born in 1864 and died in 1963. We have a newspaper clipping celebrating her 100th birthday…maybe our family gets our dates mixed up sometimes :)?

The only encounter I remember with Malissia was my first recollected introduction to the Illinois farmstead. As I look at the dates, I would have only been about 3 ½ years old, but it etched a memory in me that is still present; likely because I was a bit terrified. My Dad and I entered through one of the two front doors from the front porch. The house was old and smelled strange to me. Uncle Shorty was sitting by the fire and there was a bed over in the corner of the room. On it was a lady under a lump of covers. I could discern no face, but I heard her turning back and forth. She was moaning. Dad told me later that he remembered that his grandma would moan in pain and Shorty would have to say, “Ma, we don’t have money to buy any more aspirin.” I recall the hand and presence of my father as the only discernably familiar spot in that home. I was as equally troubled by the presence of a bed in a living room as I was with the faceless moaning woman in the corner. And Shorty was strange too. From his small chair his face was nearer to my face as any grownup man that I remembered meeting. Also, his southern, nasal country talk was alien to my little toddler ears.

Malissia and Robert with their dog Nell in the side yard of the old Illinois farmhouse, likely one of them is sitting in “Shorty’s” chair

I must have said I was thirsty and I was escorted into the kitchen where there was a metal pan sitting on a wooden stool with a carved-out gourd on it. That was the “common gourd.” Everyone sipped from it like the common chalice in an Anglican communion line. I learned later that they had dipped that water from a well out back. Indeed, as I look back, it seemed like a 37th Parallel Highway moment.

Shorty lived on in the family farmhouse until the early 1970’s. When Uncle Shorty got sick and had to go to a hospital my dad arranged to buy the family farm as a summer place for us; part of the money was to help pay for Shorty’s hospital bills. Dad’s memories were there and, in the house just around the corner, and one down the street. Uncles and aunts had dotted that small area of land for years. The earliest ancestor, John Plasters, obtained the acreage in the 1850’s as payment for his service in the military. The subsequent family line had farmed the acreage until our purchase of it.

Great Grandma Malissia with her chickens at the Illinois farm

When we got the farmhouse Mom and Dad worked hard to give it a semblance of new life, but a few artifacts remained—one of them was Shorty’s chair. We summered and weekended there as a family. That chair was witness to my teenage vacations and to Christmas Eve 1977 when I brought my Mississippi boyfriend, Hule, there and he got down on his knees and proposed to me. It also stood sentry in the living room when we returned six months later to spend a portion of our honeymoon.

Renovating the Illinois farmhouse living room: Me (“Lori”) with my younger sister Marcia and little brother Eric. The corner you see is where Great Grandma Malissia’s bed was.

There came a time when that house disintegrated enough that it had to be torn down. We still have the farm, and a different house stands where it stood. My dad salvaged Shorty’s chair as one of his precious heirlooms. He brought it up to our Springfield, IL home. Dad’s dream was to live full-time in a small Thoreauesque cabin at the farm with only a fire, a chair, and one hook for his clothing. Shorty’s chair represented that never-realized dream.

My dad relaxing by the wood-stove in the Illinois farmhouse living room after the remodel

For Dad’s gift one year Mom arranged for the seat of Shorty’s chair to be re-woven because it was quite worn. Some years later, as my mom didn’t have much room for it in her house, she gifted it to me. It now sits in the modest home of our Jessamine farm. It is used mostly when extra guests come and we run out of the upholstered, more comfortable seating. But it sits there as an icon—full of symbol and meaning and memory, linking our past to our present and future on this rural landscape situated in the shared 37th Parallel North.

Shorty’s chair in our Kentucky farm living room by our wood-stove

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“I remember the days of old; I meditate on all that you have done; I ponder the work of your hands.” Psalm 143:5 ESV

 

The old Illinois farmhouse painted by my daughter Sarah Jo Goddard

My new book

September is the month of both my mother and father’s birthdays. I honor them with the announcement of the publication of a book I wrote about a chapter in our family’s life: My Fading Father: An End of Life journey.

Dad walking me down the aisle

This is the story of how our family lived together with Dad in his last years and our final earthly goodbye. It was compiled from diaries I wrote during this season. It is a book for all of us — caregivers, care receivers, grievers— all of us who will face our decline and death, or that of a loved one. So, the story is for everybody. Dad’s end of life journey came with cognitive decline, likely Alzheimer’s, and that presented a special challenge and opportunity for us.

Dad and I at Plasters Grove cemetery where he was laid to rest

If you know of anyone who might benefit from a book like this, please let them know about it. If you would like to order it, it is available on Amazon. https://a.co/d/7BkDQ4R

Love you, Mom & Dad….

We miss you, Dad!

https://a.co/d/df5Hs0O

When I’m 64

Happy Birthday me! I am turning 64.

Me contemplating life at age 3 months

I have started humming this Beetles song lately: “Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m 64.” I remember sitting in church when I was in Junior High school figuring out how old I would be in the year 2000—because that seemed so far in the future—like the Jetsons! I would be 40! Nearly ready for the nursing home, I thought at the time.

My Jr. High days

I recently went to the funeral of our pastor from my teenage years. What a legacy he had! Brother Delbert Wells (and his wife Beverly) were such a gift to me and so many more that God put in their path. He was like the pastor in the Jesus Revolution movie. In my hometown of Springfield, IL he opened his little church of Bethel to the hippies of the day. I was a Jr. hippie 🙂 ; old enough to wear bell bottoms and say, “Make love not war”, and have “Flower Power” written on my school notebooks and buy my blacklight posters from our local headshop called “Penny Lane”. Others in our church, and at our downtown Christian coffeehouse named LSD (for Lighter Side of Darkness), were “major” hippies just saved from the world of drugs and deep darkness. Brother and Sister Wells gave us respect, grace, a place in God’s Church and nurtured our individual callings. Their surrendered lives led us closer to God’s loving and perfect plan for our lives.

My early teen years

On the way home from Brother Wells’ funeral, I listened to The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis. The following is my journal writing as I contemplated legacy and end of life, time passages, the final judgement and heaven:

“On the way down today, I listened to The Great Divorce. The last time I read it, I could barely understand the symbolism. Today it was rich. I thought of how clever of CS to illustrate all of us and thought that an evaluation of certain questions as the book is being read would be helpful: “Who are you in the story?” and “Which characters are your significant others in the story?” and “How can this work inform you on how to live and not live?”

I recall:

The inexplicable addiction to the Red Lizard of Lust which turned to a White Stallion of Desire after a difficult death to lust, bringing a rose brightness up the Mountain of Light.

The woman full of other-love that was really self-love in disguise, supposed love for son trumping love for God.  (Is this me?)

The theologian not wanting to let go of the questioning, the philosophizing, the open-endedness even after arrival in the surety of heaven. (Is this me?)

The teacher needing to teach for identity.

The painter wanting to paint heaven, but not to capture heaven’s radiance, but for his own reputation. (Is this me as poet/journaler/blogger/writer? Will I lay down my pen in heaven?)

The tragedian/disappearing dwarf chained and “their” wife—all glorious and exalted coming to them humbly beginning with apology but with the challenge to give up a quest for pity which only squelches joy.

The wife who always wanted her husband just to dominate/control/chide him.

George McDonald as CS’ guide—mentor—like Virgil & Beatrice for Dante.

The solidity of heavenly things and transparency of our un-surrendered selves.

Help me not to love learning most, but to love learning about YOU! Help me to lay down my search once you are found. Help me to lay down my “Religion” once I am in Your arms—Your sight—Your presence fully and eternally.

Help me now, Lord, to live a life so pleasing that I will have let go of all of “me” that is not under your Lordship.  Help me to examen—examine—and give me courage to let go—to hold on only to You and Your ways and Your will and desire for You!!  I know that is where peace is and truth and life and Light.  That is my only place of True Safety—True Love.”

And so, now that I’m turning 64, I continue praying this journal prayer. I pray that I will live well. I pray that I will serve well. I pray that I will age well. I pray that I will end well!

…Pray this along with me.

A Healing Place

We disappear in trauma.

Not all of us–the outsides stay whether they want to or not.

The insides stone up, wall up, shut down.

They’re like Addison…”What the…?”  or less sophisticated, “Ouch!”

When or whether we reappear is up for grabs.  Sometimes the healing necessitates, or dictates, staying inside the shell.  Changing routine, changing bandages, changing hope–they all cost and our insides pay a high price–often more than what is in the wallet.

But God is there.  And He has the extra we need.  We need only ask…if we can keep from walling up on Him.

There are places, spaces, where it is easier to open to Him:

walking the woods or pasture,

standing near a mossy log,

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counting dew drops on soft plant leaves,

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revisiting a field full of memories,

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smelling mist, hearing trees, admiring all He has made.

Here He invites our bidding–our reawakening.

Here He brings our healing.

 

Our Wabi-sabi Shed

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When we first acquired our Jessamine farmstead, the house, shed, and fences could all have been marketed as being in “as is” condition.  This is typically realtor-speak meaning “somewhat run down and probably lots of things will need to be repaired or replaced.”

We were not daunted.  Our thrill was with the land and location. When friends and family came to visit they often commented on the shack–a leaning structure with bowed out barn wood on the sides and two small low-slung entrances on front and side.  Indeed we discovered in the first winter that snow was easily blown through the boards so that its contents were only slightly protected from the elements.

All this is reality and yet I’m enchanted by the beauty of this little deteriorating historic structure in our backyard.  It serves as trellis to vines of colored leaves in the fall and supports pink peonies likely planted about the time of its construction every spring. In the winter it shelters stacks of wood that Hule splits in just the right size for our wood stove and in the summer it holds our mowers, garden tools, and a bird nest or two.

A few years ago I was introduced to a series of words that are conjectured by some as  “untranslatable” from other languages into English.  So many of these words intrigue me and challenge me to appreciate the cultures that nurtured and created them.  One such word is wabi-sabi from the Japanese.  Wabi-sabi is said to refer to an appreciation of a beauty inherent in objects of transience and a respect of imperfection and admiration toward an essentially natural cycle of decay or deterioration.  While I believe that one must study a culture more thoroughly to truly know the full meaning of such words, what I read of this concept reminds me of how I feel about our little lean-to.  In fact I have now named it our wabi-sabi shed.

Maybe it is our stage or season of life that gives me this perspective.  In my 2nd half of life I am choosing to focus on the value of an unfading beauty of the inner spirit rather than the fleeting beauty of my outer form.  A few years ago when at the beach I looked down at my hands and hardly recognized them…age spots, crinkled skin, protruding veins…these were not the hands of my youth.

When I was dating my Mississippi boyfriend (later to become my husband, Hule) and he held my hand for the first time he said, “Wooo!  Your skin is softer than a catfish’s belly!”  At first, this Illinois girl wondered if that was a slam, but pretty quickly I discovered it was indeed high praise. Remembering that, I considered the history that each scar and spot and rough patch represented.  A new perspective valued my hands’ natural decay to reveal a sort of beauty.

With this perspective, which now I might call a wabi-sabi perspective, I wrote this poem to my husband:

Take my hand, my love

“Softer than a catfish’s belly!”

Held

Caressed

Joined

Bejeweled

Writing, underlining, studying,

Washing dishes and laundry

Changing diapers

Planting herbs

Days on the beach

Sun-leathered

Still held–

but now

Constellations of pigment

Calloused from work

And years from wearing your ring

I still choose to put my hand in yours